达特茅斯录取文书分享点评

作为藤校之一，达茅一直是很特别的存在。不论是学校的特点和传统，还是申请中的各种轶事，都让人们津津乐道。在分享成功的申请文书方面，达茅也是特立独行——鲜有分享。直到今年四月，达茅才出了一本“50 Dartmouth Application Essays That Worked”。

虽然还没拿到书，但我已迫不及待的开始阅读样章。可是，只读完第一篇（学生讲述自己一次爬山的经历，文末附原文和翻译），我便陷入沉思，而后淡然一笑。

为什么陷入沉思？因为它既没有哈佛文书里那种高人几等的对价值观的深刻认识，也没有芝大文书里那种高智商的科学探索和人文思考，它记录的就是一个女生在面对挑战，克服恐惧，取得成功的经历后，在思想上有了一些新的认识和领悟，从“思绪常常被最坏的情况所占据”到“开始看到世界的美好”，从“看到人的善良，和别人在一起的快乐”到“感到充满希望”。说实话，我真心觉得谈不上惊艳。

为什么淡然一笑？因为我反应过来，这才是多数文书，多数人真正的样子。在给学生和家长讲文书时，我总说，不要总是想着那些天马行空的东西，不要总是追求特别或高大上，文书要做自己，真实的才能打动人。

没想到，这次自己却掉入陷阱，先入为主的认为达茅选出来的文书就应该很特别。想到这里，心里更是默默的给达茅点赞，真诚的放了一篇正常人的文书出来。不像哈佛，总是选一些特别的文书给大家看，名义上是让人学习打开思路，实际上是在制造焦虑，也有借此标榜自己的厉害嫌疑。这不是和国内一些机构宣传文书重要的路数一样么？

话说回来，虽说这篇文书没惊艳到我，但它却我给留下了深刻的印象。首先，第一句、第一段就是教科书般的描述。既钩住了读者的注意力，又勾在勒出了一副生动而美丽的画面，还隐约交代了全文的关键内容。其次，全文细节丰富，写作风格朴实，既让人身临其境，更让人感受到作者是一个脚踏实地的人。

最后，结尾两段很有意思，表面上是对登顶后的实际情况一五一十的描述，但这恰是其精妙之处，既做到了首位呼应，又给读者无限遐想的空间。就像一部成长电影的结尾，那幅画面充满青春活力和希望。谁会不喜欢这样的一个学生呢？

以下是原文和翻译：

We danced on the top of the mountain. My hands filled with jellybeans, I bounced around with the four girls I was spending my summer with. I looked about, memorizingthe astonishing landscape that expanded before me. Ridgelines stretched into the distance, turning blue as they faded into the faraway horizon.

我们在山顶上跳舞。我的手里满是豆粒软糖，我和四个一起过暑假的女孩跳来跳去。我环顾四周，记录着展现在我面前的令人惊叹的景色。山脊延伸到远处，逐渐消失在遥远的地平线上，变成了蓝色。

It was day 32 of a 45-day backpacking expedition through the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in northern Alaska, an experience I had dreamt about since I was nine. That day, we needed to move from one river valley to another, crossing a ridge along the way. After planning our trek, we began our journey upward. The sun shone, and lighthearted conversation soon filled the air. But just beyond a gentle curve, the grassy terrain turned to loose stones. The gradual slope disappeared, replaced with a steep mountain face. Alarmed, I called out to my leader, gesturing toward the towering ridge in front of us. "Are we going over that?" She turned to look at me, replying, "Yes, we are," before continuing to walk. Cautiously, I followed.

这是我在阿拉斯加北部的北极国家野生动物保护区进行的为期45天的背包探险的第32天，这是我从9岁起就梦想的经历。那天，我们需要从一个河谷到另一个河谷，沿途还要越过一座山脊。计划好徒步旅行后，我们开始了爬山的旅程。阳光明媚，空气中很快就充满了轻松愉快的谈话。但就在一个平缓的弯道之后，长满草的地形变成了松散的石头。平缓的斜坡消失了，取而代之的是陡峭的山坡。我惊慌失措，向领队喊了一声，指着我们面前高耸的山脊。“我们要翻越这个吗?”她转过身来看着我，回答说:“是的，我们是。”然后继续往前走。我小心翼翼地跟在后面。

The ground began to slide beneath us, causing upward progress to slow as we carefully chose where to step. I looked back down the slope, realizing that one misstep would send me sliding down the mountain. As we continued, the wind picked up, and a layer of grey covered the previously blue sky. I felt something sting my face and looked up. Small hailstones began falling, and the patter of ice against my hood became the only sound I heard. A lump rose in my throat as tears prickled in the comers of my eyes. Already terrified, the evolving weather only added to my unease. All eyes turned toward our leader, as we questioned the safety of continuing up the mountain. "We have to get over it," she shouted, struggling to be heard over the swirling wind. Facing the ridge, she resumed the slow, deliberate trek upward. Taking a deep breath, I followed, keeping my gaze focused on the ground. Conversation ceased as we zigzagged up the slope, each person concentrating on their footing. As we climbed higher and higher, my fears began to multiply.

地面开始在我们脚下滑动，我们小心翼翼地选择前进的方向，向上的速度放慢了。我回头看了看斜坡，意识到只要一失足，我就会从山上滑下去。我们继续前行，风起了，之前湛蓝的天空蒙上了一层灰色。我感到有什么东西刺痛了我的脸，于是抬起头来。小冰雹开始落下来，冰打在衣帽上的声音成了我唯一听到的声音。我的喉咙哽住了，泪水刺痛了我的眼角。我已经很害怕了，不断变化的天气只会增加我的不安。当我们质疑继续上山是否安全时，所有的目光都转向了我们的领队。“我们必须克服它。”她喊道，努力让别人在风的漩涡中听到她的声音。面对山脊，她继续缓慢而从容地向上跋涉。我深吸一口气，跟着她走，眼睛一直盯着地面。当我们弯弯曲曲地爬上山坡时，谈话停止了，每个人都集中精力站稳脚跟。随着我们爬得越来越高，我的恐惧开始成倍增加。

A month earlier, my thoughts, often occupied with worst-case scenarios, would have been consumed with these fears. When looking at the world I live in, I seemed to see only hate, violence, and inequality. This perspective weighed on me. I wasn't able to appreciate happiness because I was fixated on finding things that were wrong with my life and the world. Then I went to Alaska, and everything changed. I began to see the beauty the world has to offer. It wasn't only the beauty of the mountains and caribou; I began to notice the beauty in rainstorms and impossible climbs. Instead of only allowing myself to see the darkness in the world, I slowly opened my eyes to the goodness of people, and the happiness spending time with others could bring. When looking at that slope, I saw more than loose rock and a nearing storm; I saw an opportunity to test my limits and strengthen the bonds within my group. I felt hopeful.

一个月前，我的思绪常常被最坏的情况所占据，这些恐惧会被吞噬。看着我生活的这个世界，我似乎只看到了仇恨、暴力和不平等。这种观点使我感到压力。我无法欣赏幸福，因为我一直在寻找我的生活和这个世界的问题。后来我去了阿拉斯加，一切都变了。我开始看到这个世界所给予的美好。它不仅是美丽的山脉和驯鹿;我开始注意到暴风雨和不可能的攀登中的美。我不再只让自己看到世界的黑暗，而是慢慢睁开眼睛，看到人的善良，和别人在一起的快乐。望着那个斜坡，我看到的不仅仅是松散的岩石和即将来临的风暴;我看到了一个考验我的极限和加强团队凝聚力的机会。我感到充满希望。

It seemed like we had been climbing for an eternity when the slope began to level. I raised my head, a smile crawling across my face. The ground in front of us was flat, the valleys behind the ridgeline opening up before us. We cheered and began to dance around. A new wave of energy filled the air, with peals of laughter soaring above the gusting wind. We had survived the ascent.

当斜坡开始变平时，我们似乎已经爬了很长时间。我抬起头，脸上掠过一丝微笑。我们面前的地面是平坦的，山脊后面的山谷在我们面前展现出来。我们欢呼起来，开始跳舞。空气中充满了一股新的能量，阵阵笑声在狂风中呼啸而过。我们在攀登中幸存了下来。

Someone grabbed a bag of jellybeans, and we took handfuls of the well-deserved treat. Despite the still-developing weather and the idea of a steep descent looming over us, we took time to celebrate on what seemed like the top of the world. We made it, so we danced.

有人拿了一包豆粒软糖，我们当之无愧的拿了一把。尽管天气仍在变化，而且陡坡正逼近我们，但我们还是花了一些时间在这个看似世界之巅的地方庆祝。我们成功了，所以我们跳舞了。