11月18日考场真题 Some people think that all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them work for the local community. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
在《雅思写作范文集》2018中有一个类似的题目:
2018年3月3日In most countries, prisons are the most common solution for the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with better education so that they do not become criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
而且收录了英国老师的范文。
从同意反对到双边讨论,我们来试试如何对相同内容进行整理,以回答不同题型。
英国老师范文开头段:
Opinions differ on the extent to which incarceration deals effectively with crime as opposed to improving the quality of education. My view is that there will always be a role for prisons in confining evil people, but better education is more likely to reduce crime levels.
改成:
Opinions differ on what is a better way todealeffectively with crime. My view is that there will always be a role for prisons in confining evil people,butprisons arenot for all offenders. (下划线部分是抄的)
主体段1:
Confining criminals to prison is likely to always be necessary at least to some extent. There are currently a large number of people in jail for serious offences like murder and, for them, preventive education would come too late. It is more important that society continue to be protected from them than to release them in the hope that they might reform by virtue of educational programmes. Another reality is the fact that some people choose to commit serious wrongdoings no matter how much education they have received. This is the case for many white-collar crimes such as fraud which often involve the elaborate schemes that only very intelligent people could devise.
改成:
Some people thinkconfining all lawbreakers to prison is necessary. Admittedly,there are currently a large number of people in jail for serious offences like murder and, for them, preventive education would come too late. It is more important that society continue to be protected from them than to release them in the hope that they might reform by virtue of educational programmes. Another reality is the fact that some people choose to commit serious wrongdoings no matter how much education they have received. This is the case for many white-collar crimes such as fraud which often involve the elaborate schemes that only very intelligent people could devise.
原文给出的是自己给的分论点,加入了限定(黑体部分);
修改后,讨论的是题干给出的观点(不合理)。
主体段2(讨论better education):
Nevertheless, improvements to education would, in my view, be a better means of reducing the number of people who want to commit crime in the long-term. Acquiring more useful knowledge especially when young would provide greater opportunities for entry into satisfying careers. Further education opens up new possibilities in terms of developing healthy interests and participating in worthwhile activities such as sports and hobbies. Better education would achieve improved outcomes such as a proficiency in a sport rather than just a passing interest. The more people achieve personal goals in terms of their careers or hobbies, the more people will find meaning in life and thus not be tempted to use their talents in illegal ways.
改成(讨论work for the local community):
However, for offenders of minor crimes,workingfor the local community and other alternatives can be better options. For example, imprisoningadults who ridea bicycle onfootpaths near their homesis too harsh and guarding the paths they have ridden on from other riders will teach them the lesson. Also, people who dump litter in public space deserve such punishment as cleaning a local street instead of staying in jail, especially with serious criminals.
结尾段:
In conclusion, I acknowledge the place that imprisonment will have in protecting society from serious offenders who have already committed crimes. However crime levels are more likely to fall more drastically over the longer term by reason of improvement to education.
改成:
From my perspective, depriving all lawbreakers of freedomcertainlyprotectssociety from serious offenders, but it is too severe for minor crimes, and other alternatives serve minor offenders well enough.