UC招生官偏爱的文书是什么样的？

在之前的文章里，老师和大家一起盘了最新的UC顾问大会上发布的招生变化，以及各校区的申请Tips。

在UC各校的申请资料审查中，「文书」都被评为是「非常重要」的考核因素。弄清招生官的喜好、避开雷区，就成了我们在申请的最后阶段要冲刺的重要任务之一。

贴心的UC早就清楚了大家的疑问，与这份招生变化一同发布了最新的官方申请例文及招生官点评。今天就让我们一起看看，UC招生官偏爱的文书是什么样的…

在探究和总结招生官偏好的一般规律前，我们先来看几个典型的案例。不妨把自己带入招生官的角色，看看这些例文好在哪里，又在哪方面有欠缺。

反面教材一

Question：

Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.

Answer：

I've danced along the poverty line my whole life. The soothing melodies from a mother to her child as they drifted to sleep were mere dreams; realities you'd only see in the movies. Life was based on survival; sink or swim, one might say. Struggling to stay afloat in this ocean of a world, I quickly recognized that a comfortable life is a luxury that stands far out of my grasp. Being forced out of touch with my infantile dreams and forced to come to grips with my reality brought along one of my greatest attributes: my fortitude. Living as the product of an immigrant mother and lower class father, my aspirations oftentimes felt out of my reach. My tolerance for the harsh world grew involuntarily; I was born into destitution, facing life's hardest battles was inevitable. The countless sleepless nights my parents spent in order to keep a roof over our head demonstrated their mettle to my younger self, a mettle I had to endow myself with too.

Just like the pale skin and singular dimple I inherited from my mother, I endeavored to grasp her strength. Both in and out of the classroom, I've possessed a deeper spirit than a great number of my peers due to the hardships I've faced. While it's difficult to stray away from the fixed mindset that tells me I cannot afford a better future, I pave the way for the life I've always dreamed of through my education. My exceptional tenacity encouraged me to take advanced placement courses that offer an advantage at a higher educational level. The extravagance of maintaining the successful life my parents could not afford excites me. Persevering through the austerity towards the sophisticated, serene lifestyle showcases my drive. Although I learned to survive off of the crumbs of society, the faith I hold for myself and my education push me closer to the elixir of the rapturous life I plan to lead.

招生官点评：

看得出本文的作者是想表达尽管自己出身贫寒，但面对生活的苦难和折磨依旧保持着乐观向上的心态，并努力学习，提高自己。

但文中只是简单地提到了Ta有着克服困难的毅力和决心，并没有展开讲述申请者采取了哪些行动、做了哪些努力，即如何克服困难的。此外文章的篇幅有限，申请者却把大量的篇章浪费在创意写作上——对文风和结构的关注远远超出了内容本身。

而且，尽管作者在靠后部分提到了自己曾参加过一些大学预科课程，但也只是一带而过，没有详细论述Ta是如何利用这些课程提高自己的。

反面教材二

Question：

What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

Answer：

It is a strange and enduring task, to watch something rot. When faced with rot in its most literal form, it can be a bit overwhelming. The smell will crawl up your nose and down your throat, sitting there long after you've scrubbed yourself clean. Touch any part of something decomposing and your fingers will come away dark, sticky, and wet. After working with dead animals, I've learned that more important than a strong stomach, is patience. To reap what you want from decay, you must be willing to work at its pace, and I've always abided by "good things come to those who wait." I wait in a park where my parents shuffle to explain to my brother and I that they're getting divorced. My brother is too young to understand, but I do.

I wait outside of the divorce counseling where they sift through their rot and try to make sense of it, and I wait as they try to start over with new people and that too, decays. This observation teaches me the initial patience.I linger at the kitchen table, watching my father cook and wondering when the Alzheimer's will come. I imagine the decay beginning now, now, now. The decay is so slow that sometimes I accelerate it and imagine him already dead.

Then I force myself to rewind and grapple with the inevitable entropy as it happens. Despite my frustration, this slow rot gives me practice to accept the things I can't change. I pace around my grandparent's lemon tree, stubbornly clinging to life in the neglected garden. Its refusal to decompose interests me, enough to spend a year on its revival. I learn there is rot, but also rebirth. I learn that it's not enough to just endure the decay in my life, I must embrace the rebirth that comes after, even if I'm afraid of the change. But as I enjoy my lemon harvest, I don't think it's so scary after all. My good things have taken longer to come than most, but I wait for them dutifully, faithfully, and ever patiently.

招生官点评：

这是一个让学生描写自己的天赋或技能的问题。本文作者运用了大量的隐喻，文章的描述性很强。 但读完全文会发现，很难让人获取细节信心，且找不到文中各个例子之间的联系。作者写了很多生活中面临的难题，以及他们对作者的影响，但如果能更精炼的话，文章的表达将会更加清晰易懂。

优秀范例

Question：

Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.

Answer：

In 2020, I founded an underwater robotics team in my garage. We invited friends from school and the math circle we ran. Some members had no experience with robotics and others had lots of experience so I taught them by helping everyone build a land robot. In our second year, I reached out to more people in the community and grew our team from 10 to 22 members across 10 schools. We had seniors to middle schoolers on the team. I promoted returning members to lead the hardware, testing, and documentation teams. I led the software team where I taught Python, setting up Raspberry Pi computers, and streaming cameras. My mom knew someone whose nephew recently immigrated from Mexico and wanted to learn about robotics.

I invited him to join the team and I walked him through setting up the robot. Now he teaches others how to set it up. When I give individual attention, people develop useful skills and pass those skills onto others.On the competition day, we didn't tighten our electronics chamber and water shorted our entire electronics system! But we didn't mourn, we got straight to problem solving. The hardware leader unplugged and unscrewed the parts. I tested the computers and told members to grab working parts from last year's robot.

My CoCEO calmed the team. In the middle of the repairs, we gave an award winning 15-minute engineering presentation to judges.

We miraculously got the robot working in time for our second pool run and we placed third! I learned that to be an effective leader, I need to understand every team member's strengths and weaknesses. The hardware leader annoyed me because he started building without planning and made avoidable mistakes. But I appreciated his instant problem solving when we needed to rapidly rebuild our robot. Now that I know what he is good at, I can give him appropriate roles for his talents. I am using what I've learned to lead our team effectively by giving everyone the chance to use their best skills.

招生官点评：

这篇文章最突出的地方在于：细节，细节，还是细节！通过团队人数、团队的分工、以及大家在面对突发状况时的反应，清楚地描述了一个真实存在的项目。 此外，他们面对突发状况的应变能力（解决浸水电子设备的问题）以及对多样性问题的关注（他们向新移民传授了关于机器人技术），都能够让人看到申请者的领导能力，很好地切中题目要点。

老师说：

在UC的申请中，申请者需要从学校给出的八个问题中选四个进行作答。每个问题之间没有优劣之分，而是通过对问题的回答来为招生官提供更多关于申请人的信息。

在UC招生官的眼中，好的个人文书各有各的不同，但总的来说它们都具有以下三个特点：

• 重点是对学生的影响和/或他们对他人的影响

• 将自我置于回应的中心

• 提供具体示例

那么与之对应的减分项就是：

• 没有提供太多与学生经历有关的背景信息

• 更注重结构而非内容

• 以他人的叙述而非自己的叙述为中心

• 为了描述困难而强行给自己制造困难

在掌握了回答问题的正确打开方式之后，我们也要注重对内容的把控。UC官方也强调过，尽管各校区使用的是同一套评价体系，但会有各自所看重的因素。

老师曾对UC各校公开的CDS进行统计：

*3分表示非常重要；2分表示“重要”；1分表示“考虑”；0分表示完全不考虑。

尤其是在「才能/能力」和「品格/个人特质」这两项上，各校区的差异较大：UCR完全不考虑个人特质，UCI则是非常看重才能和能力。不过总的来说，这两项的重要程度基本都排进了前五，这也提醒我们要在文书、活动中展现出与学校相契合的独特魅力才能脱颖而出。

机构曾经拿到UCB、UCD、UCSB三校offer的P同学就很注重突出自己的个人优势。

P同学-UCB、UCSB、UCD社会学方向

申请背景：标化未提交/GPA Weighted 4.37；佐治亚美高

获奖：CTB团队二等奖杜克数学会议团队三等奖、个人二等奖SJW写作比赛二等奖

主要活动：学校女生数学社团创始人、学校Tour Guide团队成员、学校Senior Prefect成员、贫困知识科普视频账号运营

在对自己的性格和过往经历进行分析后，Ta将申请展示的重点放在了自己优秀的领导力上。通过创办数学社团、协助老师管理新生宿舍等活动经历来让招生官看到自己的危机应对能力、沟通能力等。

在写文书时，P同学谈到了自己失败的钢琴学习经历，因为没有音乐天赋而最终选择放弃钢琴转战架子鼓，并通过对节奏精确的把握而获得成功。这件事也让Ta学到了：提出深思熟虑之后的放弃，也许也是一种好的决定，并不是所有时候都得无脑坚持向前冲。人们的天赋会体现在不一样的地方，没有必要一定去追寻不适合自己的东西。

代入UC招生官视角来看，不难发现P同学的论述中心在自己，且展现出了自己的成长和变化，这不正是符合我们前面提到的加分文书的样子吗？