雅思7分大作文长什么样？

老规矩，以下是正文目录：

1.前提提要

2.6.5~7分版（来自我的学生）

3.怎么把这篇文章改成7分

前情提要： 这位学生来自成都，刚开始跟我学习的时候，雅思写作是6分，最近的作文已经逼近7分。这名学生让我想到了另外一位在职考雅思的学生，他刚开始也是6分，在最近的考试里，写作已经能稳稳拿到7分了（见上图）。

题目：

Many school children and students are taught to push themselves to be successful and trained to be better than other classmates rather than to work together for everyone's benefits. Do you think the advantages of training to be competitive outweigh its disadvantages?

- 我学生的版本-

A great deal of school kids and students are instructed to boost themselves to triumph and coached to surpass their peers instead of collaborating for everybody’s interest. This essay shall explore both the benefits and drawbacks of this phenomenon; however, in my opinion, I believe this trend has more negatives.

One of the major advantages of training students to be more competitive is that it can better help them adapt to this highly competitive society. In today’s society, only by standing out from their peers can they succeed, and learning to be competitive can make students realize their shortcomings and work hard to overcome them, and consequently, they can better integrate into the society filled with various competitions. Besides that, strong notion of competition can motivate students to seek more knowledge, allowing them actively learn about different kinds of field, and so, becoming an all- round developed individual.

Despite the benefits, this trend can bring about some bad effects for children’s growth. One negative outcome is children lose a good sense of cooperation and teamwork. No matter in study, work and other aspects, they may meet the situation that should cooperate with others, and as a result, too much competition will do harm to their work and feel excluded or even be isolated from others. Another disadvantage is the strong sense of competition definitely damages children’s psychological and body development as it will hurt their self-confidence and make them feel much stressed.

In conclusion, although the strong notion of competition will motivate children to keep study to exceed their classmates, the unreasonable peer pressure will eventually cause, in my opinion, the loss of enthusiasm for their life and study, as well as various mental problems, such as anxiety, depression and so on.

- 怎么把这篇文章改成7分？-

题目： Many school children and students are taught to push themselves to be successful and trained to be better than other classmates rather than to work together for everyone's benefits. Do you think the advantages of training to be competitive outweigh its disadvantages?

7分作文： A great deal NUMBER of school kids and students are instructed to boost themselves to triumph and ARE coachedto surpass their peers instead of collaborating for everybody’s interest. This essay shall explore both the benefits and drawbacks of this phenomenon; however, in my opinion, I believe this trend has more negatives.

One of the major advantages of training students to be more competitive is that it can better help them adapt to thisA highly competitive society. In today’s MODERN society, only by standing out from their peers can they succeed, and learning to be competitive can ALSO make ENLIGHTEN students TO realize their shortcomingsand work hard to overcome them, and consequently, they can better integrate into the society filled with A VARIETY OF various competitIVE CIRCUMSTANCESons. Besides that, A strong notion of competition can motivate students to seek more knowledge, allowing them TO actively learn about different kinds of fieldS, and IN TURNso, becoming an all- round developed individual.

Despite the benefits, this trend can bring about some bad DELETERIOUS effects forON children’s growth, SUCH AS LOSING . One negative outcome is children losea good sense of cooperation and teamwork.

No matter in study, work andOR other aspects, they may meet the situation that WHERE THEY should cooperate with others, and as a result, too much competition will do harm totheir work and CAUSE THEM TO feel excluded or even be isolatedfrom others. Another disadvantage is the strong sense of competition THAT definitely damages children’s psychological and body PHYSICAL development as it will hurt their self-confidence and make them feel much stressed.

In conclusion, although the strong notion of competition will motivate children to keep BOOST THEIR studIES to exceed their classmates, the unreasonable COMPETITIVE peer pressure FROM THEIR PEERS will eventually cause, in my opinion, the loss of enthusiasm for their life and study, as well as various mental problems, such as anxiety AND depression and so on.