一篇打动耶鲁招生官的申请文书

每年，在申请季结束后，机构都会搜集一些优质文书进行分享。今年我们又选取了一些被顶级名校录取的文书，供大家参考学习。

我们可以在这些文书中，感受到学生们对于生活的敏感，深刻的洞察力和有意思的古怪想法。

想知道名校到底青睐什么样的文书？下面就一起来看看被耶鲁大学录取的学生的优质文书，来感受一下名校的文书标准吧。

耶鲁文书分享——《于喧闹中绽放》

My house has never been quiet, and I do not think it ever will be. Living with six siblings is not the definition of tranquility. My parents ’ affinity to invite perfect strangers into our home only adds to the chaos. However, I have learned more from this revolving door than I could have ever been taught in isolated silence. Living with close to fourteen people in the house at any one time is loud, yet below the noise there is a whisper that teaches the benefits of altruism.

我家从来不安静，我认为它永远都不会安静下来。和六个兄弟姐妹同处一个屋檐下让生活与安宁无缘。我的父母热衷于邀请陌不相识的外人落脚，这只会导致更多的混乱。然而，透过这扇旋转的大门，我学到的远比我在孤寂中学到的更多。家中同时常住着近十四个人，喧闹异常，而在这些噪音之下，有一种低语教会了我利他主义的好处。

My siblings taught me the importance of accepting people for their uniqueness through countless hours of listening to Devin's syncopated drumming, judging Elise's pirouettes, and being the subject of Lauren's experiments. I learned to go beyond mere acceptance; I evolved into a person who sees differences as opportunities to expand myself. Rather than shutting out the pounding, dancing, and experimenting, I decided to learn from it.

数不清的时间里，听着Devin的打击乐，给Elise的旋转舞步打分，被Lauren拉去做实验对象，这些兄弟姐妹教会了我接受别人独特之处的重要性。我超越了简单的包容，而成长为一个将个人差异性视为拓展自我的机会的人。我决定不再去排斥敲击声、舞蹈和实验，而是决定从中学习。

I started playing instruments with Devin to learn a new "language." I went to Elise's recitals to uncover the value of dance expression. And I collaborated in, rather than subjected myself to, Lauren ’ s experiments to discover foundations of life, even if someone else had discovered them long before us.

我开始和Devin一起演奏乐器，学习一种新的“语言”。我去看Elise的演出，发现舞蹈这一表达方式的价值。而且，我与Lauren共同合作实验，而不是仅仅是当她的实验对象，我们去发现生活的基础，即使在我们之前可能已经有其他人发现了它们。

The people who entered my home and lived alongside my large family taught me about my community’s diversity. Through doing this, they inspired me to pursue a multifaceted education despite my scientific emphasis.

那些进入我家并与我庞大家庭一起生活的人向我展现了社区的多样性。在相处中，他们激励了我去追求多方面的教育，尽管我对科学有着强烈的兴趣。

John, a Tongan taro farmer, was one of the first individuals that stayed with my family. As a young girl, he opened my eyes to a vastly different culture and encouraged me to respect people of all backgrounds. As I grew older, I met Meghan who represented the lasting effects of crystal meth on the body. Watching her struggle to correct her previous actions encouraged me to spread drug abuse awareness. Rob still serves as an exemplar of the negative effects of stereotyping people with mental illness, and propels me to stand up for equality. Nicole, Rachel, Anthony, and Nicholas serve as daily reminders of the difficulty of poverty.

John是汤加的芋头种植者，是最早和我的家人住在一起的人之一。在我这个年幼的女孩面前，他让我看到了一种截然不同的文化，并鼓励我尊重不同背景的人。随着我年龄的增长，我遇到了Meghan，她是身体受到冰毒长期影响的代表。看着她努力弥补从前的行为，鞭策着我传播防范药物滥用意识。Rob仍然是社会将精神疾病患者刻板定型的负面影响的典型，推动我为平等发声。Nicole, Rachel, Anthony, and Nicholas每天都警示我贫困的困难。

My parents have never ceased to surprise me with the people they take in. Although the loss of a bathroom, a television, or the ability to not wear pants may seem antagonizing, the lessons I have learned from each person that has passed through our home have taught me that a home is not created by the space itself, but rather its utilization.

我的父母收留的人多种多样，从未停止给我带来惊喜。尽管失去了一个浴室、一台电视或者不穿裤子的自由听着可能令人不快，但每一个住过我们家的人所教给我的经验告诉我，家并不是由空间本身筑造的，而是由其利用方式构建的。

Francis Bacon once wrote, “Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom.” Although well acquainted with his method in the Chemistry lab, in my experience this proverb has not proven true.

弗朗西斯·培根曾经写道：“沉默是滋养智慧的睡眠。”尽管我在化学实验室中对他的方法很熟悉，但根据我的经验，这句谚语并不正确。

The cacophony of my home life has made me a dynamic learner. I am eager to find the lesson in every experience and interaction. Each unique person that has come into my home has expanded my understanding and fed my aspirations to become an informed, intricate and animate member of society. Their lives, including their wisdom and their downfalls that brought them into my life, inspire me to keep an open mind and learn from various perspectives despite any one particular subject I may major within.

我家中的生活喧嚣使我成为一个充满活力的学习者。我渴望在每一个经历和互动中有所学习。每一个来到我家的独特的人都扩展了我的见解，并滋养了我成为一个见多识广、深刻而有活力的社会成员的抱负。他们的生活，包括他们的智慧和那些导致他们走进我的生活的堕落，激励我保持开放的心态，从不同的角度学习，无论我可能在哪个专业专攻。

I dream of being admitted to a school that encourages holistic learning spurring me onward in my investigations as a student in all subjects. I want to grow as a student inside and outside of the classroom. Leaving for college may be daunting, but one of the best parts is the anticipation of seeing who might next occupy my room.

我梦想被一所鼓励全面学习的学校录取，鞭策我在所有学科中作为学生不断探索。我想要在课堂内外的学习中有所成长。离开家庭去上大学可能令人畏惧，但最令人期待的部分之一正是期待着谁会是下一个占据我的房间的人。

顾问评析

这篇主文书以一个hook开头，作者成长在一个人口众多，喧嚣而热闹的环境，但是这些”噪音”教会了作者利他主义。这个和普通人的认知不一样的开头，极具反差感，吸引读者读下去。

全文通过描述与不同的人包括兄弟姐妹和父母收留的各种人的相处经历，凸显出作者从家庭生活中获得的温情的、宝贵的经历。这些经历令作者学会了接受他人的独特性，并将其转化为拓展自己的机会。这也让作者意识到家的意义不在于空间本身，更在于如何利用这个空间，以及发生在这个空间内的故事。通过作者对每段经历的回忆，我们也能够在这篇文书中看到很多主题/可能性，比如社会公正、贫穷、drug，种族文化等，能够引起读者的思考。

这些经历和个人反思也让读者看到一个开放、包容、有求知欲、行动力和critical thinking的申请者形象。这种potential和作者通过文字展现出的复杂的家庭背景和思考能力是非常吸引招生官的。最后一句“who might next occupy my room” 这个结尾挺妙的。但文章最后两段的落点是作者希望将这种能力运用在学习上，这个见仁见智。